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"Over the
weekend, President Bush told a crowd of supporters
in Florida that he is the best protection from the
draft. That's not true. Bush's dad was the
protection from the draft." --Jay Leno
"The debate
deal for three debates almost fell apart because
John Kerry did not want a light to flash when his
time was almost up. And George Bush didn't want a
light to flash because he's easily distracted."
--Jay Leno
"Both
candidates now are trying to lower expectations for
how they'll do on the debates. For example, Kerry
tried to lower expectations for himself by saying
Bush has never lost a debate and that he is a
formidable opponent. Then Bush lowered expectations
for himself when he said, 'Hey, what does "formable"
mean?'" --Jay Leno
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"Political
experts say President Bush was off his game. He
looked distracted, confused, a little at a loss for
words. Off his game? That is Bush's game." --Jay
Leno, on the debate
"President
Bush said yesterday it doesn't make any sense to
raise taxes on the rich because rich people can
figure out how to dodge taxes. Then Dick Cheney said
'Shut up! You're ruining everything.'" --Jay Leno
"In a
shocking new book by Kitty Kelley, acquaintances of
President Bush say that when he was in the National
Guard that he liked to sneak out back for a joint or
go in the bathroom and do cocaine. Isn't that
unbelievable? They actually found people who saw
Bush in the National Guard." --Jay Leno
"Monday on
NBC Bush said about the war on terrorism, 'I don't
think we can win it.' And yesterday he said at a
rally, 'We will win it." John Kerry is furious. Now
Bush is beating him on flip-flopping. Hey, that was
his issue." --Jay Leno
"President
Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know
what was really sad? It's a stationary bike." —Jay
Leno
"The L.A.
Times reports that al Qaeda terrorists have been
traced to Iran, and President Bush is talking tough.
In fact he said he will attack the minute he has
evidence his approval rating is under 45 percent."
—Jay Leno
"The other
night, President Bush's press conference was
pre-empted by 'American Idol.' You know the
difference between President Bush and 'American
Idol?' See, on 'American Idol,' the one with the
most votes wins." —Jay Leno
"In a
shocking new book by Kitty Kelley, acquaintances of
President Bush say that when he was in the National
Guard that he liked to sneak out back for a joint or
go in the bathroom and do cocaine. Isn't that
unbelievable? They actually found people who saw
Bush in the National Guard." --Jay Leno
"Arnold
Schwarzenegger spoke tonight at the convention. At
first they were planning on having Arnold speak on
the same night as President Bush but, then they
realized, oh no, the convention interpreter's head
would have exploded." --Jay Leno
"Earlier
this week the Republican party held a reception for
black Republicans. Apparently the receptions was a
big success. They both showed up." --Conan O'Brien
"Republicans went from Arnold Schwarzenegger last
night to Dick Cheney tonight. It's like, Arnold's
like the picture in the dating service ad, and
Dick's the guy who shows up." --Jay Leno
"John Kerry
went duck hunting and he's doing that to fulfill his
campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them
wherever they are! Kerry did pretty well; he came
back with four ducks and three Purple Hearts."
--David Letterman
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